STEWART – As the state budget tightens, school boreds and administrators are searching for ways to make up anticipated cuts in funding. Striving to be cutting edge, the Federal Hocking School Bored has devised yet another fundraising venture to increase revenue. Anticipating a high interest in “all things royal,” the upcoming coronation of King George I provides a unique opportunity in the form of offering commemorative items for sale.
Eschewing the traditional stamps, coins, and plates, the Fed Hock Bored will be selling commemorative items of special interest to local residents.
“It’s Good To Be King” Hat – A traditional maroon baseball cap with a picture of King George’s face with gold text, “It’s Good To Be King” centered on the front.
“My Kingdom For A Carhartt” – Feel like non-shit covered royalty, with this traditional Carhartt overall. Has a large picture of King George’s face on the back with the text, “My Kingdom For A Carhartt” on the front left pocket. (Also available in fire retardant version)
Golden Galoshes – Wade with confidence everywhere. Whether faced with floodwaters or massive amounts of BS, you too will keep your feet clean no matter what the circumstance. Available in two sizes: knee high or hip high.
King George Lunch Tray – For that back in school feeling, purchase your very own set of school lunch trays. Features our traditional picture of King George with a talk bubble exclaiming, “An Apple A Day Won’t Keep This Doctor Away!”
King George Lawn Greeter – Perfect just in time for summer and other vacations, be greeted by your very own life-sized, weatherproof cutout of King George. Comes with ground staking kit to withstand the stoutest of blustery weather. Feel His royalness year ‘round. (Some assembly required.)
King George Talking Toilet Seat Cover – Decorate your home throne with the latest in digital voice technology. A radio-transmitter will keep you updated with all of King George’s latest thoughts on education in the comfort of your very own bathroom. (Matching toilet bowl brush-scepter available.)
King George Weather Barometer – The King’s face gets really red as a storm front moves in! Know when to duck and cover!
Act now and you’ll receive a free special edition King George commemorative chess set. On King George’s side all pieces are kings and have the special move of going anywhere on the board they want. If you’re not happy with your order, keep the chess set for free. (Shipping and handling not included.)
These are only the initial offerings of the Bored. They are soliciting ideas for future products and ask you to stay tuned for all things royal.
In light of this, CYA is going to be issuing our very own special, but non-licensed, CYA digital recorders. Something every Lancer needs! Available at retail stores everywhere.