Community seeks to declare emergency designation

Originally Published April 2, 2007

With more than its usual shenanigans, the FedHock bored has turned down the affiliation of a booster group – The Friends of Federal Hocking. The whole purpose of the group is to promote FedHock. “That goes strictly against our principles – and principal,” said Henny Penny. “We aren’t interested in making that Forest guy look good – in fact – it is our intention to annihilate anything associated with him and act against him at every turn. For example, last year, when he tried to take a leave of absence, we tried to tell him that he couldn’t go, because it was too much work for Juan Armpit to do it alone. We really did want him gone – but we didn’t want to give him what he wanted. And so now that he has come up with a bunch of money to keep Juan Armpit around, well, we’re turning that down. We have too many administrators – even if they are completely free. But that doesn’t really matter, because what really makes my panties wet is that we get to actually turn that guy down and keep him from getting what he wants. And why would we want to sponsor a bunch of do-gooders? They’ll just tell everyone what a good job our staff is doing – including that Forest guy. We can’t have that, can we?”

The Friends group will not be deterred. Their cup of love and sunshine runneths over. “By saying good things, we can only be doing a good thing,” stated one member. However, this reporter is a bit worried that if they keep saying too many good things, district folks not in the know may actually give credit to the idiot triumvirate of Weekly, Penny and Dropem.

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