STEWART – To mark what should have been the original coronation date of King George, we bring you the second set of King George commemoratives.
King George Chia Head – Keep up with the latest King George hairstyles or create your own with the King George Chia head. Just water and see what sprouts!
“Don’t Pee in the Moat” Sign – Great for the pool owner, get this lovely sign with King George’s stern face as he admonishes your guest to abide by your potty rules. Try the optional maroon-colored pee indicator tablets. Your guests will think that they have a serious medical condition when they pee in your pool – but you’ll know not to invite them for a swim again!
“Castle for Sale” Realty Sign – Do you have extra real estate just sitting around growing weeds? Well turn those assets into cash by selling them off in the weak real estate market. Our “Castle for Sale” sign features an eye-catching King George whirly-ma-gig. When you’re done selling your property and ousting those pesky squatting community groups, it can be converted into a nifty garden scarecrow to scare away the birds!
King George Royal Gripper – Do you get frustrated that some things are just out of your reach? You’ll have no gripe with the gripper! The King George Royal Gripper easily allows things to slip from your grasp that you thought you earned – but it won’t be the Gripper’s fault, it will be yours – because we told you so!
Royal Ginsu Knives (home defense set) – For cooking and backstabbing! Look at it cut the head off of that complaining peasant, and it still a slices a tomato with ease!
The Royal Snuggie – Featuring a life-sized likeness of King George in 100% artificial fabrics, you can stay warm year round. Particularly for those that like that almost smothered feeling.
King George Mood Ring – A twist on the classic 70s craze, our updated version samples the air for royal frustration hormones. The ring then indicates that royal frustration by turning red. A great gift for friends and family required to have close dealings with the King. They’ll know right away when they should become placating “yes men.”
King George Joke Mood Ring – This item is just the opposite of our standard King George mood ring. Instead of warning friends and family away from those unpleasant subjects, they’ll be doing the opposite! Hilarious fun ensues when your friends get to learn about the unemployment crisis from a personal standpoint!
King George Bed Buddy – Do you miss interacting with your King throughout the long nights? Well, you will want to get the King George Bed Buddy. Our life-sized King George has adjustable arms for that pseudo-loved feeling that we’ve all come to know and expect. The Deluxe version has King George murmuring reassuring phrases to you all night long. Some phrases include: “Don’t believe those rumors you hear. I’ve got your back. We’re all in this together. ”
Royal Bedazzler – Worried that you aren’t flashy enough to garner royal attention – and thus royal favor? Use the royal bedazzler to sparkle up your wardrobe. Warning – using the royal bedazzler may have a rebound effect that keeps you from seeing the reality of any given situation when dealing with King George.
ProxyClean – This special item is for sale to Bored members only – for when you get that icky, “sold-out your ethics” feeling: particularly good for use after those back-room deals are made or job reconfigurations get rid of people without due process.
King George Town Crier Towel – This super absorbent crier towel is not to be missed. Great on everything from standard tears to tears with snot and other solids, keep this handy for all of your royal interactions. Remember – It’s not a sham wow, it’s a sham now.
All items are guaranteed to meet or exceed your every expectation! However, if you’re not fully satisfied you can return your items for a full refund minus restocking and shipping and handling fees. In most cases, returning an item will actually cost you more money, so we advise that you just suck it up.