Bored Sacrifices Sense on the Altar of Stupidity: Unintentionally Brings C.Y.A. Back to Life




STEWART – Who will be stuporintendent of Federal Hocking Local Schools?

That’s the contentious question that is to be considered at the June meeting of the Federal Hocking School Bored.

Conflict has arisen between Stuporintendent Jimbo Manley and some of the members of the school bored over who will be in charge of the district. While the stuporintendent position is still in place, the bored had to eliminate the Coolville principal’s position as part of the district’s fiscal emergency plan.

While it may seem like the sane thing to assign Kate Gadwill to be principal of both Amesville and Coolville, bringing both buildings together under singular leadership similarly to how the Forest guy is head of both the middle and high schools, Stan Abhorrence, bored president, has other ideas. Instead it seems that Stan Abhorrence has decided that the position of bored president and stuporintendent is the dual role he will be filling himself. “I have lots of extra time with the downturn in the economy hitting my business hard. What else am I going to do?” said Abhorrence. “I get to fulfill my personal power needs by arbitrarily doing what I want to whoever I want. I’ve been able to make new friends in Dodger Dropem and Van Weekly, and my favorite new friend is the high-priced lawyer in Columbus. And bonus – I don’t even have to pay for this friendship myself!”

The only obstacle in Abhorrence’s plan of district domination is Jimbo Manley. Abhorrence’s options are limited, so he has decided that Manley will be internally exiled. The motion on the bored agenda would move Manley’s office to Coolville where he would be the acting building administrator, thus making room in Stewart for Abhorrence and his new buddies of Ay Carumba!

However, Manley isn’t one to go without a fight, as demonstrated by past skirmishes with the bored and their Ay Carumba allies! In this case, he has resorted to the law to protect him. Apparently it is illegal to change someone’s duties in the middle of a contract without their approval. If the bored tries to change his position, Manley will file a lawsuit against the school bored, something that historically, the bored is used to.

Abhorrence doesn’t seemed fazed by any lawsuits, stating that, “My lawyer can beat up Manley’s lawyer any day. I made sure of that by getting rid of our free lawyer and hiring this expensive one. So what if we’re in some kind of fiscal emergency situation? And hey, my reaction is that anyone can file a lawsuit at any time in this country, but it doesn’t mean it has any merit – although in this case it probably does. But I’m not going to let that stop me. And as long as the Fiscal Elimination Commission allows us to keep funding a private lawyer, I don’t have to!”

Manley also seems unruffled by the latest shenanigans of the school bored. He’s seen it all before.

As for the staff of C.Y.A., we’ve seen this all before too. Just read some of our articles from our previous incarnation, change a few names, and you’ll see that it’s just the same old, same old. Disappointing, as we thought that Abhorrence would be an anti-Ay Carumba! bored member.

We’re back and we’re in our new format. Keep reading for all the latest.

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