Bored OKs cutting staff – just not with big knife

Originally Posted February 26, 2007

STEWART – On Tuesday, the FedHock school bored cut 13 teaching positions, a librarian and guidance counselor. These cuts will save the district approximately $366,000. With the looming $1.8 million deficit, bored member Dodger Dropem said, “Hey, we only need to cut another 59 staff members to balance the budget!” Luckily, however, smarter heads prevailed.

Bored member Johnny Elder pointed out that cuts would have to be made, because the district would soon be facing fiscal emergency and we, “have to start somewhere.” While Van Weekly, bored president, pointed out that, “someone would be upset at the cuts no matter what. For instance, I’m really upset that I wasn’t the person to get to choose specifically what to cut, because if it was up to me, more high school teachers would have to go. Plus – what about all of those art and music classes? I don’t think kids need to know how to think creatively. They just need to be able to take orders from others who know better. I should know!”

Community member and past bored member Todd McGyver said that the cuts would still keep us competitive with other surrounding schools. “After all,“continued McGyver, “we wouldn’t actually want to be better than other schools. Just keeping up should be good enough. And my research should actually make you feel better about under serving our students in certain areas.”

Lizzie Domore-Lark, who teaches at the high school, had a lot to say to the bored. First she told them that they were they were yellow-bellied cowards and sneaks – to cut staffing without supporting levies. Then, she also criticized them for not looking into ways to raise funds and working with a community that wanted to do just that. But she hit them hardest when she said, “continuing to cut programs is a short-handed solution to a long-term problem and it will only dismantle our school district.” She added the zinger, “It’s almost as if you don’t care.”

When asked to reply, Weekly said, “She’s totally wrong, you know. We do care. That’s why we spend so much time trying to dismantle the school district, because we all want to buy into our own God complexes and recreate the school in our own pathetic image.”

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