Author Archive for Connie Spires

Royal Buzz Crosses the Big Pond

Much ado surrounds the upcoming royal nuptials of William and Kate, but a similar buzz is reverberating throughout the Federal Hocking District. Emanating from Stewart Center, the excitement and tension can be felt to the farthest corners of the district…

FEC Clarifies Role

Frustration has been building in some of the FedHock community over the continuation of the Fiscal Elimination Commission (FEC). The FEC was given oversight of the FedHock District finances by the State after the school went into fiscal emergency. However,…

Complaint: Directives not direct enough

Originally Published April 9, 2007 Responding to complaints about the vagueness of the latest superintendent directives, the school bored has issued a “clarification” of the original document. Some of the highlights include: About communications: In order to insure that Mr.…

Dropem strikes again – almost!

Originally Published April 9, 2007 While children around the district were snuggled in their beds awaiting the annual orgy of consuming chocolate rabbits, marshmallow peeps and a whole host of other Easter candy, Dodger Dropem, entrepreneur extraordinaire, was lurking stealthily…

Money can’t buy love

Savings by firing teachers: $400,000 Turning down rental and other money from democracy group: $69,000 District deficit still to be dealt with: $1.2 million Having Jimbo Manley stay and be superintendent: Priceless! This joke is on the bored!! Originally Published…

Ex-CIA head locates new WMDs

Originally Published April 2, 2007 George Tenet, trying to make amends for his previous information blunders (9-11) was recently on capital hill testifying before a congressional panel about a new WMD threat. The current threat was known to be located…

Real Quotes of the Idiot Triumvirate

About Jimbo Manley “You are an embarrassment to this community.” (Correction: This wasn’t said about Jimbo Manley from the bored, it was from the public to the bored.) “He does not have a positive attitude.” “The superintendent’s performance the past…

Pig held hostage

Originally Published March 12, 2007 In an increasingly bizarre attempt to make money, bored member Dodger Dropem recently took the Friends of FedHock pig hostage. The pig was to be the main sacrifice in a purity ritual aimed at purging…

Henny Penny Plucked!

Originally Posted February 26, 2007 The rumor mill has been intensifying about Henny Penny’s absence from the last bored meeting. An overly enthusiastic fan of Britney Spears, Penny supposedly went out for a night on the town, culminating the evening…

Fatherhood Calls?

Originally Posted February 19, 2007 It has been reported that school bored member Dodger Dropem has been the latest to step forward in claiming to have fathered the late Anna Nicole Simpson’s child, Dannielynn Simpson. Local skeptics claim that this…

Snow Daze

Originally Published February 19, 2007 A new and scary epidemic has hit students in the local school district and surrounding areas – an overdose of snow days. Dubbed OS (OverSnow) by health care professionals, this epidemic has affected students of…

Literacy on the Cheap

Originally Posted February 12, 2007 Without any money to get new materials for the library, librarian Fayre Servant, has resorted to getting reading materials from whatever sources are available. Said Servant, “I’ve been recycling and scrimping whatever I can.” Attendance…

Bayatme Enters Clone War

Originally Posted February 3, 2003 In the latest round of human cloning experiments, sources at FHLS have discovered that Bayatme has usurped Eisenhower science grant funds to create his very own clone. Our source has reported that Bayatme entered the…

Praise For Direct Instruction

Originally Published December 10, 2001 AMESVILLE/COOLVILLE – Aides at both elementary schools couldn’t say enough positive things about the relatively new direct instruction programs implemented at the elementary schools over the last two years. “I always wanted to be a…