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Tedalam Regime rears head in
ugly NASA attack
STEWART – Valentine’s Day is usually known for
its hearts and flowers, but a particularly ugly resurgence of the Tedalam
regime has ruined this lovely holiday for many in the FedHock school district.
It has been reported that authorities had to be called to the administrative
offices of the school due to an unprecedented attack of the Tedalam regime.
Once at the head of the FedHock schools, the Tedalam regime was driven
back by a wave of democracy and good feeling. However, last week’s
incident only goes to show that the Tedalam was merely sent to the county
borderlands and not defeated.
Bored Says That Innovative Teaching
Will Save District
STEWART – In a rare show of thoughtfulness, the FedHock
School Bored has made innovative suggestions to the administrative team
concerning teaching positions. Stating that they don’t want to micromanage
the administration, they nevertheless have put forth a strong demand to
cut teaching and other staffing positions and perhaps create some previously
unheard of job combinations to make these cuts more effective.
First on their list is a desire to gain more vocational monies from the
state. By having more vocational programs (and students in those programs),
the district will earn more money per pupil. The bored has put together
a far reaching vocational program which will impact students all the way
across the district.
High School Vocational Gym
With the installation of a few cheap poles and utilizing the current sound
system, the bored would like Manley to hire vocational gym teacher, Bambi
Sparks. Dodger Dropem, who is making the hiring recommendation, said,
“Bambi would bring a unique and rewarding combination of teaching
physical education and dance, allowing our grads to move straight into
the Sugar’s industry of adult workers....
It has been reported that school bored member Dodger Dropem has been the
latest to step forward in claiming to have fathered the late Anna Nicole
Simpson’s child, Dannielynn Simpson. Local skeptics claim that this
is just the latest hair-brained attempt by Dropem to earn some extra money,
as a successful paternity suit could leave the winner in control of Simpson’s
multimillion dollar estate. As was last reported, Dropem was filing court
papers to hold off on his $15,676.45 in arrears tax payment to the county
for personal property taxes and $8,059.98 to the State of Ohio for personal
income tax until the paternity outcome was determined.
A new and scary epidemic has hit students in the local school district
and surrounding areas - an overdose of snow days. Dubbed OS (OverSnow)
by health care professionals, this epidemic has affected students of all
ages, and even has by-passed the age-brain barrier and affected adults
too (primarily teachers). The first symptoms manifest as repeated uploads
of WXTQ's school closing website or the repeated calling of WXTQ with
a continued asking of, "Is our school closed?" Further symptoms
include sleeplessness (staying up late), followed by fatigue (sleeping
in late) and a generally joyful demeanor. However, if the disease runs
too long, students may complain that they will die of boredom. Secondary
symptoms can be passed to parents in the form of anxiety and annoyance
at these whining outbursts.