Volume 2, Issue 1 | February 3, 2003 - We're Back!

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Joke of the Week

C.Y.A. Archives

 

Standing By Bayatme:
Easier to Spot the "Buddies"

STEWART - About 40 members of the Ay Carumba! network, which included community members, teachers and students, attended a school bored meeting in order to support Stuporintendent Bayatme.

The bored has already voted to search for a new stuporintendent, but supporters of the Ay Carumba! network haven't given up hope that they will somehow prevail. Stating that "we don't need no stinkin' new stuporintendent," Ay Carumba! members believed that by showing up to a school bored meeting and making vaguely human-like noises, that they would, as in the past, get their own way.

"One of the main ways that we have been able to work in the past," said Dudley Dunkirk, outspoken Ay Carumba! member, "is to just whine and whine until we get our own way. We think that we should stick with what worked in the past, because we are afraid of change."

For full story.

The Return of C.Y.A.:
The Editorial Board Speaks Out

SOMEWHERE IN SOUTHEASTERN OHIO - It was with heavy heart that the editorial board of C.Y.A. got back together to ponder the goings on in the local newspaper. It seemed that the Bayatme crisis was again rearing its ugly (and we mean REALLY ugly) head. In light of Bayatme's positive self-promotion and continuing divisiveness in the community because of it, C.Y.A. is again putting itself on the line by publishing political absurdity.

Connie Spires, original founder of CYA, feels that CYA is not about creating new divisivness. "We are about pointing out the flaws in the current system, and to be a voice for thinking people everywhere. It's difficult for people to understand the district's problems, particularly in light of all of the misinformation that is spread around by the current administration. It is true," she continued, "that divisivness exists, but this is not new, nor is it caused by our publication."

For full story.

 

Bayatme Enters Clone War
In the latest round of human cloning experiments, sources at FHLS have discovered that Bayatme has usurped Eisenhower science grant funds to create his very own clone. Our source has reported that Bayatme entered the controversial clone race hoping to create a pure evil clone of himself - à la Dr. Evil of Austin Powers' fame. However, unlike Dr. Evil's clone, which was 1/8 of Dr. Evil's size, Bayatme's clone, named Mini Bayatme, came out the exact same size as Bayatme himself. Said scientists working on the project, "It just confirms our hypothesis that Bayatme is 100% evil."

Teacher Orders Afghan: Not What She Expected
When Amesville elementary school teacher Jane Walker went on-line to buy a new throw for her living room couch, little did she know of the surprise that she would receive. Instead of going home and finding the beautiful new crocheted afghan throw, she actually found that she had been sent a real afghan. Refugee Daven Porte Hassan was delighted with his sudden change of surroundings, claiming, "If she would only let me stay here, I would gladly herd her goats and sheep, as well as do perimeter counter-terrorist surveillance. I am good at these things," he said. Walker is trying to keep things in perspective. Meanwhile, repeated e-mails to the eBay seller have bounced and Walker has been forced to send numerous bad feedback messages to no avail.

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